Are you dealing with grief that just won’t go away, because a literal death has not yet occurred? We can learn how to deal with a living death from the story of Tamar, King David’s daughter.
As a child of divorce since the age of 4, I have dealt with a living death most of my life. Though my parents’ marriage ended decades ago, I still deal with the fallout. The marriage is over, but the negative effects linger on, because the divorce is a living death.
I’ve also experienced living deaths from loving prodigals, handling disappointments, and dealing with various messes. Life doesn’t always give us definite endings, and when negativity continues, you can feel the reverberations of a living death.
How to Deal With a Living Death
We can learn about how to handle living death through the story of Tamar, the daughter of King David and sister to Absalom. It’s a difficult story told in 2 Samuel 13.
Tamar was a beautiful princess. A real one, not the Disney sort. She was so attractive that her half-brother Amnon lusted for her, tricked her into getting alone with him, and attempted sexual assault.
Her heart was so good that in the heated moment, she pleaded that Amnon would appeal to their father the king. She was willing to marry this beast of a brother instead of wearing the shame of illicit sex. But since Amnon was stronger than her, and since his lust was all-consuming, he raped her.
Immediately, Amnon’s lust turned to bitter hatred. He had used her to his liking, then couldn’t stand the sight of her. This lovely, innocent woman was thrown out like a dog. She left in deep shame and sorrow. She tore her beautiful princess gown and threw ashes over her head, both symbols of grief in Hebrew culture.
Life doesn't always give us definite endings, and when negativity continues, you can feel the reverberations of a living death. #grief #livingdeath #encouragement Click To Tweet
The Desolation of Tamar’s Living Death
My heart breaks for Tamar when I read this verse: “So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.” (2 Sam. 13:20 NLT). The definition of desolate is “deserted of people and in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness.” Synonyms for desolate are barren, bleak, stark, bare, dismal, and grim.
Tamar’s rape was the spark that set off a rampant fire in King David’s household. Sadly, the Bible does not record that King David ever spoke with Tamar about what happened. We only know that her brother Absalom offered her protection and housing. But we don’t hear about her again after this account.
Tamar’s suffering at another’s hand cost her greatly. She never knew the joy of being married or having children. She couldn’t enjoy keeping her own home, meeting with friends, or living a normal life. Desolation was her living death.
Among all the Bible people I want to meet when I get to heaven, Tamar is in the top group. If she is there, she will have amazing stories to share with us. I am certain that if she was a woman of faith, Tamar clung to God like few others have done on this earth. In her living grief, perhaps Tamar was able to find hope and comfort from God himself despite her desolation. Based on her own desert experience, she may be able to explain mysteries of God to us when we get to heaven.
In her living grief, perhaps Tamar was able to find hope and comfort from God himself despite her desolation. #hope #grief #comfort Click To Tweet
Handling Our Own Living Deaths
Our living deaths must be grieved like regular deaths. It’s harder to do, because there is no finality of a coffin in the ground, or an urn of ashes placed on a shelf. In my living deaths, I have healed by walking through the normal grieving process of denial, anger, bargaining, and sadness to finally reach acceptance.
I am sure that Tamar had to grieve her life before God while she was still alive. But I hope that she reached the point of acceptance, and was able to find joy in the Lord when she couldn’t find it in her circumstances. Her story, though awful and heartbreaking, gives me hope. God valued Tamar enough to include her story in the Bible. He saw her, loved her, and cared for her in her living death. That means our living deaths matter to him too.
Prayer for Healing
Lord, you know the living deaths I face.
You see them, care about them, and want to help me heal.
I surrender these living deaths to you, Father.
They have broken my heart, and I can’t handle them alone.
Please heal me from the hurt.
Take my suffering and transform it into joy.
Even when my circumstances don’t change, I want to praise you.
Give me the comfort of your presence, Jesus.
I can find peace in your embrace.
Holy Spirit, remind me of your promises.
Pray for me in words that cannot be expressed.
I lift my heart to you, O God.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
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How to Deal With a Living Death: What we can learn from the story of Tamar, King David's daughter. #biblestudy #hope #healing Click To Tweet
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